Blondie

So, at the request of Micah I will tell you some funny stories about my sister Stacee. I have thought and thought of what the funniest things she has done might be, I even asked her but we have came to the conclusion that she is the funniest when she don't mean to be.

My little sister is a true blond through and through! I can assure you that she has no common sense whatsoever! Allow me to share some of her finner moments:

1. 9/11/01

We all know what happened on this day, in fact the whole world was glued to the news watching as the events unfolded. Everyone remembers where they were when the towers fell, now let me tell you how Stacee saw it:

She was still in high school at the time and the teacher had stopped class to watch the news.

Stacee (talking to her friends at school): How could that pilot not see that building setting there? He just drove right into it!

The second tower was hit

Stacee: OMG! That pilot just followed the other one right into the other building! Do these people not see the sky scrapers in NYC? They just keep driving into the buildings!

Later on in the day she went to lunch and noticed the flag was at half staff

Stacee: Who was it that put the flag up this morning? I wonder if they know they didn't put it up all the way!

2. One night when she was 17.

Growing up after we got our driving licence we had a curfew and there was youknowwhat to pay if we were late. So one night after being out with friends Stacee called my Mom and the conversation went something like this:

Stacee: Mama, I'm going to be late for my curfew because I am stuck at a red light.

Mama: What do you mean your STUCK? How do you get stuck at a red light?

Stacee: Well, I have been setting here forever! I have been through three songs on the radio and the stupid thing just keeps blinking red! It still hasn't turned.

Mama: So, your telling me you are stopped at a BLINKING red light? And that you have been there well over 5 minutes waiting on the BLINKING red light to turn green?

Stacee: Yeah, and it still hasn't turned, but as soon as it does I will be on my way I promise!

Mama: Stacee, I think it may be OK to run this one!

A couple of weeks ago

I had a conversation with her that went a little something like this:

Stacee: Hey did you see on the news that the Slim Jim plant exploded?

Me: Yeah I saw that, why do you ask?

Stacee: Well I was thinking, if Slim Jim's have an ingredient in them that can blow up a whole plant, do we really need to eat those things?

Me: No Stacee, I guess we shouldn't!

I digress!

So, those are some of Stacee's better moments. Hope you enjoyed, because as you can see my little sister is one big walking blond joke!

Sometimes I wonder...

But then you remind me!

What Do YOU Want?

Well I am about to totally be a copycat! Because I admire both of these ladies and their writing I am going to so something that both Micah and That Mommy have done this week, and I just loved the results so I thought I would try it as well.

I want you to tell me what you would like me to write about in my next post. Anything you want. Just leave an idea in the comments and I will write about it (either by personal experience, or total fabrication)! That Mommy gave her reader multiple choice to choose from, but since I am no where that creative I am leaving a blank canvas so to speak.

So, let me know and I will talk to yuns later!

A Story About Me

Once upon a time these two people met and fell in love.

(Our first Christmas together)
(This last Sunday on Father's Day)

They dated for 2 years and then the most wonderful thing happened!

It feels like I just blinked and that sweet, helpless little baby grew into this.

(We wanted to wait until his first birthday to get his haircut the first time, a decision I now see was not the best thought out plan.)

(Here he is on his first birthdaty after his first haircut!)

That sweet little long haired boy turned into Daddy's Minime...
That never wants to look at the camera...
Who loves to play in the water...

And make new friends...

And make goofey sidekicks...
It all just happened so fast!

Hello Father Time, do you mind to slow down just a tad? I want to enjoy this time just a little bit longer!

Thanks,

Jennie

Paging Dr. Google...STAT!!

A few days ago I thought it would be a "nice-mommy" thing to do to walk Zachary up to the store at the head of our cul-de-sac for some ice cream. The walk started out all wrong because my OCD child wanted to walk the other direction that takes you around the cul-de-sac, instead of out of it like we always do, so it was a challenge getting him to go in the new direction. But I did and we went to the store and got some ice cream.

Since it was 900 degrees in the shade that day the ice cream started to melt down his arm faster than he could eat it, so I did what any classy mother would do... I licked it off his finger! Well I wouldn't call it "lick" exactly, but I did put his finger in my mouth, because I'm sophisticated like that. As soon as I done it my mouth instantly went numb!

Oh Crap!

I tried to remain calm, because if I am going to completely over react over something I like to at least have full use of my mouth.

We got back to the house and I done the smartest thing I could think of, I Googled "numb mouth". I was setting there staring at all the things that were hinting at my certain doom and saw Web MD and decided to look at that. It starting asking me a string of questions:

Is your tongue numb?

Well I hadn't noticed, but now that you mentioned it.

Are you experiencing one sided weakness?

You know my left side has always been a little weaker than my right!

OH SWEET JESUS!! I'M HAVING A STROKE!!

You can see where two years of Nursing School has done wonderful things for me!

So here I am a (wouldn't you like to know) year old having my first stroke! This is just GREAT! I was reading my diagnosis, trying not to drool on the computer (because being a young stroke victim I can deal with, but if I were to short out my computer with my own drool, well now I may never recover!) when I decided to get away from Dr. Google for a while and wash some dishes, because if I have to call 911 later I don't want the EMS people to look at a sink full of dirty dishes.

I start to clean the kitchen, trying to distract myself from the mouth that feels like I have been at the dentist all morning when I see it. The source of all my anguish, the reason for my numb mouth...a tube of Oragel!

Zach had fell off the couch a couple of days before and busted his lips up something awful so I had been putting Oragel on it to help with the pain. I remember that morning I let him try to put in on himself and he must of still had some on his fingers. And while preforming my ultra classy finger in mouth move I must have got some in my mouth, causing it to go numb.

I really think that Dr. Google should have thought of that, don't you?

What was the last thing that caused you to over react?

Tacky Trahsy Tuesday

OK so I know that I only have 45 more minutes until this is actually Tacky Trashy Tuesday but I am nothing if not always cutting it close so here goes! To join in on the fun go on over to Micah's Blog and tell what you think is Tacky and/or Trashy!

Muffin Tops! My dear dear friends, if you have one of these (which I think I may be the queen leader of the muffin top) please, please, PLEASE do not wear ANY type of midriff bearing top! If the button or belt loops are not visible on your pants then your tummy more than likely needs to be covered up! I will even help you out! If you would like to know what type of clothes fit your shape the best please CLICK HERE! Its free, and fun!

I am very big on trying to give Zachary everything that he needs, and a lot of the things that he wants, but even I have my limits. Today I saw a 5 year old (well I am assuming, but nevertheless WAY to young to understand) with a Coach purse! You can ask anyone who knows me, they're not a lot of people out there that knows purses like I do! They are my passion, and sadly to say that I have a small love affair with expensive designer purses. Well a very expensive, very one sided love affair, that I may need to go to some type of anonymous group for... Anyways you can take my word when I tell you that the purse that said girl was carrying--and I use the term carrying loosely, because she was dragging it on the ground behind her, causing me to have palpitations, sweat profusely, and feel faint!--was worth around $400!!! What kind of parent will buy a child that type of purse/toy/ANYTHING? They are to young to understand what it is they have, to them it is just another toy that they will lose interest in and you are out $400!!

Well that is all that I have for this week! Remember to go on over to Micah's Blog and join in on the fun!

Were Off To Boarding School!

It has come to my attention that I may have to send Zachary to a boarding school in...oh let say Seattle! You may be asking yourself why on earth would I want to send this poor, pitiful, beautiful little boy to boarding school? Well I will tell you why I am about to send him to boarding school, because he has an evil streak that's why!! See for yourself!

Oh I'm just kidding, I would never send him to boarding school in Seattle.

It would be Military School in Prague!

Let me explain. Yesterday I needed to go to the grocery store. Which, by the way, seems to be the inspiration for many of my Tacky Trashy Tuesdays. What could be more Tacky or even Trashy that a whole slew of Appalachian Americans all hulled up together in one public place? Its priceless! Anyways, I needed to change his diaper before we left, and like every other time that his diaper needed changed he runs away from me. So it went something like this:

Me: Come here and let Mommy change your tushy so we can go bye-bye!

Zachary: No! No change tushy!

Me: Come here you poo-pooed and your tushy is stinky!

So, with that he let me change it and we were on our merry little way to Ingles. We made it half way through the fruit and it hit me..hard! I needed to go to the bathroom...RIGHT NOW!! (Don't you dare give me that look of disgust! You all know the feeling, like you have had one bite of Mexican food too much! We have all been there) So, without going through to much of the "dirty" details we went to the bathroom and then continued our shopping.

A few aisles after that, ironically enough it was the Mexican Food aisle, we ran into a girl that I used to go to High School with and her Mother. This was not a girl that I was "friends" with per say, but we knew of each other so we stopped to talk for a few.

We talked about what jobs we have now, how much it has rained lately and so on and so forth. Just idle chit chat that happens when you run into someone at the grocery store. Then they turned their attention to Zachary. It went something like this:

Them: Hey little guy. Whats your name?

Zachary: My truck boo (blue)

Them: That's a really nice truck buddy! Did your Mommy get you that truck?

Zachary(Pointing in the direction of the bathroom): Mommy poo-pooed, Shew Mommy tushy stinky!

Them: Well we really have to get going. It was nice seeing you again.

I was mortified! And he did not stop there, Oh no sir, he told the manager that was checking us out the exact same thing! He was nice enough to pretend like he didn't hear him, or notice if 15 shades of red on my cheeks!

So, that my friends is why Zachary will promptly be on his way to Military School in Prague! Because if I am ever going to be able to show my face in public again I am going to have to get rid of the little snot! :)

So, now that I have embarrassed myself on the world wide web I am curious:

What is the most embarrassing thing your kids have ever done to you in a public place?

Tacky Trashy Tuesday

Its that time of week again, where you can say whatever you want and get away with it! This blog carnival was created by Micah head on over to her blog and join in on the fun!

Can I just take a minute to talk about class rings? Not ones from college where you actually should be proud to wear it, but High School class rings. It is my personal belief that if you have already attended your 10 year reunion then it may be safe to stick that in a jewelry box...FOREVER! It is not OK to still wear it when you have been out of High School for at least 5 years!

Fish net anything. Shirts, stocking, gloves, whathaveyou it looks like a hooker! I'm sorry if you have followed that movement that has tried to make fish net the new it thing, but I don't like it. It looked bad in the 80's and it still looks bad now. I'm just saying.

Please do not ask a perfect stranger when they are due. It is my personal belief that until there is something coming out of the business end of a woman it is not OK to ask when they are due. And at that point you can pretty much guess when she is due so don't ask then either. Another thing about the aforementioned question, please under no circumstances pat the said woman on the belly as you are asking the dreaded question! Also, when she has to do the whole "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat" speech while mentally slapping you...she don't care if you are 70 and walking with a walker you should have learned some manners in the 1950's...ahem, please don't pretend not to hear her and continue on with your baby conversation.

Well that is all that I have for this week, remember to hop on over to Micah's Blog and join in on the fun! It feels good!

My Sisters

I am the oldest of three girls. My two sisters are two of the most amazing women I have ever had the honor to know. I wanted you guys to meet them and know why they are so special to me. I would like to introduce you (well most of you I think there are two of you that know them well) to Stacee my middle sister, and Michele my baby sister.

** Remember to mute the blog music at the bottom of the screen. Also, if you receive my post via e-mail I'm not sure that the video will work, you can click the title of the post which will bring you the site so that you can see the video.**
ENJOY!!!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Pass it on, Baby!

I seem to always have a struggle inside myself. I want to help others, I want to be someone that others see as a strong Christian Woman. I want everyone to see that God is at work in my life. In the mornings (especially on my way to work, because that seems to bring out the worst in me at times) I pray that others will see God in my life. I want to teach Zachary compassion for others, and to be a follower in Christ.

Although I pray for these things daily I always go to bed feeling like I have fallen short in this somehow. Was I as nice as I could have been during the day? Could others see God's work on me, or at least see that I am a Christian?

I have been blessed with a job where I could be a great beacon of light to people at some of the scariest times in their lives. Sadly to say however, I am not. It is so easy to get caught up in the hassle, or to busy in your own life to really worry about anyone else. And sad to say sometimes you get those patients that could frustrate the Pope!

This has been a struggle for me for a while now. How do you live a Godly life in an UN-Godly world?

Then I read this post by Angie. She list some of the smaller things that we can do to show we care. (She leaves a cooler of cold drinks out for the Garbage Men that pick up her trash, just to say thanks) On her blog she gave a link to Pass It On, Baby! A non-profit charity that donates children's, and maternity clothes to women that can't afford it on their own. If you want to read more please click on the link below.

So, my thoughts are this. How many of us have clothes that our children don't wear anymore, and have grown out of, and we don't know what else to do with them? I venture to say almost all of us!

What I was thinking is we can get all the clothes that we want to send together, and send it all at one time. I know that there is a small group of us, that seem to always read each others blog and I really think we can help! What I am asking is two things: 1) Regardless if you have clothes that you can give or not do a post about this cause on your blog, because chances are that you have WAY more readers than I do, maybe even someone that has clothes to donate! 2) If you have clothes to donate leave it in a comment, or e-mail me at jennie.newland@yahoo.com and let me know. I will find a way to get them all together and we will send out one huge donation. Also, just so you know I will pay all shipping cost.

Please consider this, I really think we can make a difference!

Tacky Trashy Tuesday

To the son of a ahem...jerk that stole my camera at Fun Depot this week: (Not that I am at all big-headed enough to think that this person reads this...let alone knows how to read in the first place... but that my friends is the beauty of Tacky Trashy Tuesday you can say whatever you want and get away with it)

I hope you enjoy the pictures of my family on there! How could anyone be so heartless to steel a camera that obviously belonged to someone with a family? Also, just to add..you are an idiot because I have the charger, the whatchamacallit that you download the pictures to your computer with! I hope the thing breaks and is useless to you!

Don't look at me strange when I open a pack of cookies in the grocery store to give to my kid so that he will be quite! There is not a mother out there that can say that she has not either done the same exact thing, or thought about it! You should thank me...just take my word on that!

Please try to match your clothes. It is not a hard thing to do. If you get stuck try black and white they match pretty much anything! And here is a fashion tip just for free... plaid is tricky, it matches SOLID colors the best, please do not pair plaid and polka dots! (Yes I seen this today)

It takes a special person to look good in red lipstick. Those few blessed people are few and far between, so if you are over 50 and have very few teeth, and are wearing plaid and polka dots together then it would be safe to skip the red lip stick just this one time.

OK that is all that I have for this week, remember if you participate hop on over to Micah's Blog to let her know!

My Very First Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by McMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well here goes my first ever try:

I most certainly did not steel borrow my mothers flip flops three days ago and never brought them back because they are here favorite ones and what type of daughter would do that!

I would never ever decide to let Zachary play in that water in the Kitchen sink so that I could clean his bedroom in peace because that would be wasting water and that is not very "green"!

I also did not wait way to long to check on Zachary not playing in the water only to find that he absolutely did not discover the sprayer, and that most everything in my kitchen was soaked! That would be very inconvenient!

I did not spend an hour cleaning up the water that does not exist! I also did not play completely dumb and concerned when later that night Keith opened a drawer in the kitchen only to find all of its contents under water because I didn't even think to look in the drawers! All because I didn't want the lecture on how I should have never let him play unsupervised in the water!

I also would never get down and hold the flashlight for him to crawl under the sink to make sure the pipes wasn't leaking, with a big smile on my face because I knew the pipes were fine! That would be deceitful!

On a lighter note his room looked great!